Finding Bliss

I suppose everyone has some sort of family eh? When we are young our family looks after us,guides us,financially,emotionally and hopefully with love and wisdom. Then we reach that age when we decide its time for us to create our own family with hopefully, someone who has the same dreams and goals as us. We both share in our chidrens joy and, education and ,discipline. I remember when my four daughters were small,everything I was as a person was devoted to them. What I cooked,how I cleaned,the stories I read,the play they did and, all the many outfits I sewed for christmas,hallowe'en, was inspired b y them. Each holiday, we experienced was created to bring as much joy and ,happiness to my children as was possible. I think I did my best with what I was given but, family life was far from perfect, I suffered from migraines and sometimes, spent three or four days in bed. My husband,although he worked everyday,he had a secret drinking addiction and was emotionally absent. I was diagnosed with environmental depression which meant if something was broken my husband refused to fix it, from a window near our bedroom to the washer or dryer. Things were touch as times and one of my daughters was very difficult to deal with,at fifteen she ran away to Prince Rupert and shacked up with a rock and roll band and then had the nerve to bring the disgusting lot home. We,at our wits end took her to the psyche ward to get her help, which resulted in them asking her if her Dad abused her which he never had. She was placed in a foster home which she chose only to find out the womans husband would secretly watch her through the mirror.
It was a very trying time but we endured and now have a wonderful relationship. My husband and I seperated but we still talk,too of my children I am very close too but,the other two I think blame me for the seperation and we have little or no relationship. Its very sad but its their choice and not mine.
I now live on my own in downtown Vancouver. Lots of times its lonely and I am sure my children get tired of me calling them,things have changed in other ways too,most of them no longer wish to celebrate christmas with me, christmas was always such a joyful time in out home,its difficult to reconcile that two of my daughters choose to ignore it.
Lately I have been thinking about the past,what I did and where I went wrong. It seems pointless because as a famour writer said you can't go home again.
Now day by day,I look for bliss not from my children but from other things,my favourite british detective books,the art gallery,new movies that come out.
Its tough when your kids outgrow you but its not impossible because there is always someone just like you near you,you just have to reach out and find them.

I reccomend to all who read this...look for your bliss,its waiting for you!