Beginning Again

Haven't written anything for a long time,so here goes.

Christmas is over and the New Year is here,just think if we could harnass all the energy from the stress of the holidays, the stress of trying to satisfy so many demands,the sadness of missing family who is far away,the stress of getting everything done on time, can you imagine what we,and by me I mean Mother Earth,could accomplish with this energy. Perhaps we could stop global warming, bring soldiers home ,stop war, provide clean drinking water to the whole world,etc.

Maybe,just maybe this year,we could be proactive and let that energy go before, it builds up to such a huge amount and ,start making a differance right now?

Start working to heal our dysfunctional relationships,by forgetting past hurts to ourselves, by reaching out, by feeling ,really working on ourselves to let go of any anger,hurt,past debts, to bring our family or friends to day 1, to begin again,start over,see ourselves as children maybe,as we were when we played with each other,remember we would fight as children do and let it go,start again without bringing that last fight with us.

Children live in the right now, they dont bring childish arguements forward with them, maybe we could become more like children.

Its a New Year, can it be a new beginning?

Finding Bliss

I suppose everyone has some sort of family eh? When we are young our family looks after us,guides us,financially,emotionally and hopefully with love and wisdom. Then we reach that age when we decide its time for us to create our own family with hopefully, someone who has the same dreams and goals as us. We both share in our chidrens joy and, education and ,discipline. I remember when my four daughters were small,everything I was as a person was devoted to them. What I cooked,how I cleaned,the stories I read,the play they did and, all the many outfits I sewed for christmas,hallowe'en, was inspired b y them. Each holiday, we experienced was created to bring as much joy and ,happiness to my children as was possible. I think I did my best with what I was given but, family life was far from perfect, I suffered from migraines and sometimes, spent three or four days in bed. My husband,although he worked everyday,he had a secret drinking addiction and was emotionally absent. I was diagnosed with environmental depression which meant if something was broken my husband refused to fix it, from a window near our bedroom to the washer or dryer. Things were touch as times and one of my daughters was very difficult to deal with,at fifteen she ran away to Prince Rupert and shacked up with a rock and roll band and then had the nerve to bring the disgusting lot home. We,at our wits end took her to the psyche ward to get her help, which resulted in them asking her if her Dad abused her which he never had. She was placed in a foster home which she chose only to find out the womans husband would secretly watch her through the mirror.
It was a very trying time but we endured and now have a wonderful relationship. My husband and I seperated but we still talk,too of my children I am very close too but,the other two I think blame me for the seperation and we have little or no relationship. Its very sad but its their choice and not mine.
I now live on my own in downtown Vancouver. Lots of times its lonely and I am sure my children get tired of me calling them,things have changed in other ways too,most of them no longer wish to celebrate christmas with me, christmas was always such a joyful time in out home,its difficult to reconcile that two of my daughters choose to ignore it.
Lately I have been thinking about the past,what I did and where I went wrong. It seems pointless because as a famour writer said you can't go home again.
Now day by day,I look for bliss not from my children but from other things,my favourite british detective books,the art gallery,new movies that come out.
Its tough when your kids outgrow you but its not impossible because there is always someone just like you near you,you just have to reach out and find them.

I reccomend to all who read this...look for your bliss,its waiting for you!

resolutions oh no not me

Well Christmas is over and the New Year is here,thank goodness. I am on of these women who do NOT make resolutions,why because I think as soon as you make a to do list you do everything you can do to avoid it. I don't even really celebrate New Years Eve, why you might ask,well for most of my life 25 years I was married with four beautiful daughters Eve in an odd way. Say I decide I am going to go out on New Years Eve just to have fun and party,without even a thought about men. First I have to reserve a venue,hmmm thats between $100.00 and 300 bucks and up. Ok I got the reservation,now I need an outfit for the event,and it has to be something that represents the New Year,no Army and Navy for this outfit,oh no no no. Ok now I have the outfit and the venue and I am on my way,by cab,don't foget the big tip for the cabbie,and if you can book him to come back and get you.
Now,I am at the venue,enjoying the music,looking fine,maybe having a cooler,or two but,what do I see my goodness everyone in here is between 25 and 35 . Ok I am not at that venue I am at the venue for people in their 50's,the music is good, the drinks are good, but am I dancing,no,why because every single man there is either with a woman or has four single ladies hanging off of him. Why,you may ask,because unfortunately us ladies,outlive our counterparts.
Ive decided nope resolutions don't work and dance events are not how I am going to meet someone,ok I have a plan,I know I will go to one of those dating things where you meet a bunch of differant men in an hour. Iam here at the event,excited to get started but look the coordinator is heading over to me and says "excuse me Ma'am is your son or daughter here?" I'm telling you, a woman just can't win,lol.
Today I was eading an article about how men in their 50' and 60' are with women in their 20' and 30',apparently they go through some kind of middle aged man thing and buy a really hot car,get a make over and the women just love them. I am so one for role reversal,hmmm.BMW or JAG????